We are Love

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• An Open Love Letter to Pina Bausch.

  The idea of open letters has always intrigued and interested me. The idea of exposing a personal sentiment for the public to grab hold of. Charles Mingus’ letter to Miles Davis published in DownBeat magazine in the 1950’s remains my favorite, but today I was inordinately touched by a fresh one.

  Yesterday, the world lost an incredible, creative soul. Pina Bausch was diagnosed with cancer and five days later, passed away at the age of 68. A ripe life, but a kind of living that will be missed by many.

  I know everything I know about the world of Modern Dance via my beautiful roomate Marie Morrow. It’s her love and knowledge that introduced me to the work of Pina Bausch. I asked her to write a little something about Bausch’s passing.

  Her little something made me feel quite a bit of something. Thank you, Marie.

  Every now and then something happens in the world of art that is so unforgettable one can do nothing but think “this person got everything in line and really let her genius shine”. That is how I felt when I first saw a Pina Bausch Tanztheatr Wuppertal show three years ago in Paris, France.  It felt like I was watching someone who had a direct line to everyone on Earth’s thoughts, emotions, ideas, God, and then was able to place these messages onto dancers bodies in a language that anyone anywhere could understand.

  I had just finished a very long and rigorous acting program in New York, and had fled to Paris with my best friend to learn to breathe again and find some footing. What I found was Pina Bausch. After waiting in line for two hours to see if I could get a last minute ticket (all her shows sell out) my friend, Stuart, and I were the last to be seated!

  I watched and learned and I still call this moment a turning point, forever now referring to my life as Post Pina Bausch. I believe that everyone is extremely brilliant in their own way, and it’s just a matter of finding the exact thing you are to flourish in. And that night I saw what my future was to be. In the way she blended perfectly acting and drama, with modern dance. Like she was using two very beautiful and complimentary languages to tell one story. It was elegant, and brave. Emotional, vulnerable, joyous, and tortured, all at once. But never overly dramatic or trite. Just honest and courageous. It was exactly what I wanted to be, even before knowing that I wanted to be it.

  People talk about having a calling – or a vocation. The feeling that God, or the divine, whomever, had a set plan for them specifically to do something and it would be exactly right for not only them, but the world in general.

  Pina Bausch’s calling to be a brilliant choreographer and artist was so mighty, it radiated from her work, making viewers believe that they themselves were also in the exact right place and doing exactly what they should be doing. At least, that’s how I felt when I watched.

  I’ve seen her perform many times now since that first show when everything inside of me changed. And I’ve probably spent probably every day since that first show thinking about her, or a moment that she created on the stage. That was how powerful of an effect she had on me. I will probably think about her still, even after this good bye.

  There are two things that stick out the most in my memory and that I plan on keeping in my heart forever.

  One was that she believed a dancer really became who they are once they turned thirty. She called it dancing “on the whole foot”. She was famous for using dancers who were older and more interesting dramatically, then say a perfect prima ballerina. (A dancer usually retires around 27 when the cartilage in the knees or back or hips become too worn down). But, she was more interested in sharing and exploring the human condition, then how many tour jete’s a dancer could do.

  Seeing as I will be thirty in exactly one year, this news was fantastic to me. I found dance late – around age 20 – and have always regretted it. It broke my heart with happiness when I heard Pina explain her inspiration and faith in the older dancer.

  The other memory that I think of regularly is a section from her piece Rough Cuts. It haunts me still to this day. A young woman holds an enormous flower made of paper, she holds it up and lights it on fire with a little lighter. It flames and she stares at it for a moment with wonder and satisfaction. A man next to her holds a bucket of water that she finally extinguishes the burning flower in with out acknowledging him at all. She lights another flower and another, the man following her all the time. She is enraptured in the destruction of the flower, the man is enraptured in her…. She starts to run in a circle extremely fast around the stage, around and around… arms outstretched, at top speed, and yells. Clearly, strongly, not in pain, nor in glee. Just a yell at the top of her lungs. As if to say “I am here. I am here!” Fearless.

  Not many people know of Pina Bausch, but those who did, understand what a tragedy it is for the planet to have say goodbye to her. She left quiet a print on those she was able to touch. Last year she won the Goethe Prize – she is the first woman to be given the honor.

  Her list of accomplishments is so long, I couldn’t begin to describe them all here now. All I can say is, she was my hero. She still is. I will always refer to my life in art in terms of Post Pina Bausch, and Pre Pina Bausch.

  And I will, for her, try to run at top speed, arms outstretched wide, yelling at the top of my lungs.

  Thank you Pina, for showing me that I am here. Thank you for making something from the bottom of your heart, so that I may find the bottom of mine. I love you.

  Rest in peace, Pina Bausch.

  PINA - Tanzt, tanzt, sonst sind wir verloren - Deutscher Trailer from neueroadmovies on Vimeo.

  1 Jul 2009